Impala on Antartica

still can’t sleep… this feeling must go out right now. lovi poe won’t
stop playing… i don’t even know who i am anymore… from a very sane
and on work mode carlo to the passionate, in love carlo… mutation
took quicker than expected… should i say or should i keep? that,
indeed, is the question i must ask myself and i should answer…

but
i cannot even quantify this emotion right now… i can’t feel the
emotion burn me to ashes and its flames extinguished by millions of
gallons of tears… i think i am crazy… i suddenly have forgotten my
bethrotal to the nation…

i can’t even reveal his name…
it’s to premature to do so… but i think i would love to say his name
for its washes away anguish and makes me feel a fresh me… but the
person is scores of miles away and does not even know me… and all i
can do is be mad about him and adore him in SILENCE…

i think i
am ashes now… burnt by his smile and immersed in the pain of my
non-expression… lovi poe still playing… and as she said "takot nang
masaktan"… afraid of trying again… afraid of getting through and
never coming out… afraid to even TRY…

i don’t know… i
seldom get emotional… i seldom play lovi poe… i guess i am in
love… i want to say it to that person… but the person is in a place
that only my mind can reach… and my mind and body is owned by
somebody else–my people… i want him… but he people need me… but
with the way i feel… i think i can try living a life in peace and
quiet divorcing the nation and bethroting her to someone else… i
dunno… confused, perhaps… but really in love…

first crazy
blog… lovi poe almost ending… when she cries plays next… i am
nearly into tears… i will tell that person as soon as he finds his
way to home, and to me… but until then, i guess i will love him in
the silence of myself…