Impala on Antartica

still can’t sleep… this feeling must go out right now. lovi poe won’t
stop playing… i don’t even know who i am anymore… from a very sane
and on work mode carlo to the passionate, in love carlo… mutation
took quicker than expected… should i say or should i keep? that,
indeed, is the question i must ask myself and i should answer…

but
i cannot even quantify this emotion right now… i can’t feel the
emotion burn me to ashes and its flames extinguished by millions of
gallons of tears… i think i am crazy… i suddenly have forgotten my
bethrotal to the nation…

i can’t even reveal his name…
it’s to premature to do so… but i think i would love to say his name
for its washes away anguish and makes me feel a fresh me… but the
person is scores of miles away and does not even know me… and all i
can do is be mad about him and adore him in SILENCE…

i think i
am ashes now… burnt by his smile and immersed in the pain of my
non-expression… lovi poe still playing… and as she said "takot nang
masaktan"… afraid of trying again… afraid of getting through and
never coming out… afraid to even TRY…

i don’t know… i
seldom get emotional… i seldom play lovi poe… i guess i am in
love… i want to say it to that person… but the person is in a place
that only my mind can reach… and my mind and body is owned by
somebody else–my people… i want him… but he people need me… but
with the way i feel… i think i can try living a life in peace and
quiet divorcing the nation and bethroting her to someone else… i
dunno… confused, perhaps… but really in love…

first crazy
blog… lovi poe almost ending… when she cries plays next… i am
nearly into tears… i will tell that person as soon as he finds his
way to home, and to me… but until then, i guess i will love him in
the silence of myself…

I
barely have a month to reflect on seven years of experience. Soon, I
will turn to 20 years old and would not have the chance to look back
since life goes full throttle by then. So while I still have a few
"teenage" days, I would want to talk about things I may never have the
chance to discuss when I get older.

REGRETS…
I have had a few in my life. People ain’t so intelligent after all.
Why? Because we decide hastily and regret them after. But for me, no
matter how stupid a decision is, I stick to it, most went well, a few
did not but was worth it, a few did not go well and I regretted. That’s
life, they say… But for me, that’s a lesson I should learn from.

I
only have few things I regret in my life. Some of those I regret, I
regret until now. Some, I have gone over. Some, they visit me to make
me regret from time to time.

One of the things I regret until
now is the fact that I never did well in school. I pased high school
and went through some college, but when I decided to stop college, not
less than a thousand people were frustrated of this decision. I truly
regret this decision as I will for the rest of my life. I still cry and
think about it almost every night. I think what I would have been if I
decided to finish college, or if I continued, I should have been a
junior student now. Things of such nature come from time to time and
does not make me sleep.

But true enough, I thank God that we are
given a chance or more than one chane to rectify wrong decisions. Last
week, a letter from the University of Denver giving me a chance to
apply in their university. This is a chance to corect the wrong
decision but not to ease the regret.

REGRETS… They come,
that’s normal. But the beauty of life is that everytime there is
something bad that happens, it gives us a chance to redo things and do
them well the second time around.

The ugly part, doing it right the nxt time does not write of the regret…

You came along, unexpectedly
I was doing fine in my little world
Oh baby please don’t get me wrong
‘Cause I’m not complaining
But you see, you got my mind spinning

REFRAIN:
Why can’t it be
Why can’t it be the two of us
Why can’t we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At a wrong place, at a wrong time
You came along
At a wrong place, at a wrong time
Or was it me

P.S.: I am dedicating this song to the person I have the most fun with; the person that makes me forget about problems and worries I have inside my mind. He is a man just beside me but I can never have.